A man who worked his way out of poverty is now struggling with something unexpected: how to actually enjoy the life he’s built.
At 37, single and child-free, he shared his story on Reddit, opening up about a past marked by a single mother on welfare and an alcoholic father.
“Growing up poor really pushed me to be successful in school,” he wrote.
That drive eventually led to a master’s degree and steady corporate jobs. Financially, he’s in a much better place. But emotionally? Not so much.
“I have some real anxiety about losing my job, because in my head this will put me back into poverty,” he said.
“I’m anxious about spending money, because I still have that mindset to be frugal.”
Even simple pleasures feel stressful. When he went to a festival recently, he couldn’t relax.
“It really freaked me out how crazy expensive the drinks and foods were,” he said.
“I couldn’t really enjoy the moment, even though I have enough money.”
A Shared Struggle
Those who also grew up in poverty said they feel the same way and still deal with financial anxiety, even after getting to a better place.
“This is common,” one person said.
“The financial trauma that you accumulated along the way is part of who you are and the way you view the world.”
Many agreed that this mindset can stick around long after poverty is gone.
“You’re not your mom, and your decisions have made sure that you won’t suffer the same financial instability,” another wrote. Still, old habits die hard.
Several pointed out the stark contrast between growing up poor and living a middle-class life now.
What once seemed like luxuries are now standard expenses in a new social circle, and the sticker shock is real.
“Your ‘consideration set’ in middle class is more expensive than the purchases you saw being made when you were in poverty.”
Learning to Let Go of Fear
Therapy was the most repeated piece of advice. Many said professional help is essential to work through the guilt and anxiety that poverty leaves behind.
One person pointed out, “You have to start by dealing with the fear/insecurity that has always been there.”
Others offered budgeting tricks to help reframe spending.
A few suggested creating a “fun money” account, a small portion of income set aside just for guilt-free spending.
“Budget ‘ fun money’ for yourself every month, so you give yourself permission to enjoy some of life’s pleasures, but don’t let that fun money take over your budget.”
“We both get an allowance each month. She spends all of hers, I basically don’t spend mine on myself and instead use it to pay for ‘family’ things (like a vacation),” one person wrote.
Another person talked about how things changed for his partner over time. “As we’ve built these systems out and let them work over time, she’s grown more and more comfortable with it. That doesn’t mean we throw away money, we’re still very discerning, but we lean into spending on the things that really bring us contentment.”
The Emotional Toll of Climbing Out
Many said it wasn’t just about money, it was about identity. Escaping poverty can feel like stepping into a world where you don’t quite belong.
One person described it as “survivor’s guilt,” explaining, “You may have the money to spend on yourself, but it somehow doesn’t feel right.”
Some found it easier to spend on others, like helping a family member pay for college or taking the family on vacation.
“Spending on others felt better than spending on myself,” one said.
Even those who now make six figures said they still worry constantly about money.
“I drive a 2001 Saturn even though I’m a robotics engineer,” someone admitted. “Everything is too f***ing expensive.”
A Work in Progress
The message from the hundreds who responded was that this is normal, and it takes time. You’re not broken, and you’re not alone.
“You made those smart choices and will do so again and again,” one person encouraged.
“You’re not your parents and do not have to worry in the same way anymore.”
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. But for many, building a financial safety net, going to therapy, and giving themselves permission to enjoy life, even just a little, made a big difference.
“Get busy living or get busy dying,” one commenter wrote.