A 23-year-old military man from Los Angeles recently called into “The Ramsey Show” with a tough situation: his fiancée is demanding a $20,000 wedding, and if she doesn’t get it on schedule, she says the relationship is over.
“We’ve been fighting about the cost of it,” the caller, Anthony, said.
“I told her that I wanted to pay off my debt first before we went and tried to pay off a big wedding.”
Anthony said he just finished paying off his debt this month, but the remaining $16,000 for the wedding is still out of reach.
Financial Reality for the Couple
“What do you make?” Dave Ramsey asked.
“About 30, 40 a year,” Anthony replied, adding that his fiancée earns about the same. Both are in the military.
The couple originally planned to get married the following month but postponed it due to finances.
Still, Anthony says his fiancée is now saying, “If the wedding doesn’t happen when it’s scheduled, just like that there’s kind of no reason for us to continue.”
Red Flags and Long-Term Concerns
Ramsey’s co-host Rachel Cruze didn’t sugarcoat it: “The surface problem is that she’s choosing a wedding over you. It’s a little crazy. ”
Ramsey added, “This is kind of oxymoronic.”He also added, “When you hear ‘If I don’t get my wedding my way, I’m out of here’ — well, guess what? You’re going to hear that the rest of your life.”
Anthony insisted he wasn’t trying to be cheap, but simply didn’t want to go into debt again so soon after becoming debt-free.
His fiancée, he said, believes he’s being greedy.
Communication Breakdown
Ramsey acknowledged that Anthony’s part of $16,000 is not an outrageous amount for a wedding, but said the real issue is how the couple handles disagreement.
“It’s not a matter of ‘as a man’… We need to be as two grown-ups in agreement in alignment of how we’re going to live our lives,” he said.
Ramsey’s Advice: Get Counseling
Ramsey urged Anthony to consider premarital counseling: “I would try to sit down with a pastor, a chaplain, you’re in the military, get a chaplain to sit down with you… It sounds like you’re talking at each other instead of with each other.”
Still, he was clear that financial alignment is essential for long-term success: “If this does come down to the ultimatum of ‘you either borrow money or I’m out of here’ then, you know… I’m gonna miss her.”
Marriage Shouldn’t Start in Debt
The show wrapped with a reference to the Brad Paisley song, “I’m Gonna Miss Her,” but the advice was serious: if the relationship is hinging on debt-funded expectations, that could spell trouble down the road.
“You’re not an ATM machine,” Ramsey said. “You’re a husband, potentially.”
Ramsey and Cruze made it clear: being in sync on values, especially financial ones, is more important than any ceremony.
If one partner issues ultimatums tied to money, it’s not just about the wedding; it’s a preview of future conflicts.
Starting a marriage in agreement matters more than starting it with a big party.