Every year when the holidays roll around, it feels like someone hits a switch and suddenly everyone is shopping, decorating, and planning elaborate gatherings.
Instagram fills up with perfectly wrapped gifts and themed family pajamas, while your neighbors’ light displays seem to get bigger each year.
If you’re trying to stick to a budget, it can feel overwhelming, like you’re the only one sitting out the spending frenzy.
Quietly Choosing a Different Path
We used to try to keep up. For a few years, we went all in with the gifts, travel, and matching outfits.
But it started to take a toll, not just financially, but emotionally. We found ourselves dreading credit card bills in January.
So we stopped. Not all at once, but little by little, we scaled back.
Now, we keep things simpler. Our kids still get gifts, but we focus more on quality than quantity.
We do fewer big parties and more one-on-one time. And instead of buying gifts for every extended family member, we draw names or do something homemade.
Feeling the Pressure
It’s not just face-to-face comparisons. Social media shows us the highlight reels: pristine gift stacks, decorated trees, holiday getaways.
It’s easy to feel behind, even if we know we’re making intentional choices.
And it doesn’t help when experts set the bar high. According to a Nasdaq article:
“Too often, people make holiday budgets that only take into account money they’ll spend on gifts,” said Lynnette Khalfani‑Cox, personal finance expert.
That quote stuck with us. It’s a reminder that there’s more to holiday costs than just gifts, and if you ignore those, your budget will buckle.
What Helps Us Stay Grounded
The thing that made the biggest difference for us was sitting down and figuring out what actually makes the holidays meaningful.
It turned out the parts we loved most weren’t the things we spent the most money on.
For us, that meant:
- Keeping gift-giving small and thoughtful.
- Doing more activities together: baking cookies, walking around to see lights, and having a movie night.
- Setting spending limits and sticking to them.
We also talk to our kids about money. We explain why we don’t do everything other families do, and we focus on what we do have.
They’ve adjusted better than we expected. Honestly, it’s often us adults who struggle with comparison more than the kids do.
Dealing With Awkward Conversations
One thing we still wrestle with is the feeling of being judged. When you opt out of gift exchanges or skip big outings, it can lead to awkward moments.
Some people understand. Others don’t. We’ve learned to be honest but brief.
We say something like, “We’re keeping things simple this year to stay on budget.”
Most people respect that. And the ones who don’t? We try not to let that bother us.
Finding Community With Others Who Get It
Turns out, once we started being more open about cutting back, we realized we weren’t alone. Plenty of people are also quietly doing the same thing.
We’ve found new traditions with others who want low-key holidays. Cookie swaps where the focus is fun, not fancy.
Potlucks instead of catered dinners. Some friends started doing no-gift get-togethers. That shift has been comforting.
It helps to know there are others who aren’t chasing the “perfect” holiday either.
When Family Expects More
Navigating family expectations has been one of the harder parts. Grandparents often want to spoil the kids, and it took a few years of gentle conversations to set boundaries.
Now, we encourage experiences over stuff. One grandparent started taking the kids on a special day out instead of piling on presents. It’s become a tradition they all love, and it doesn’t result in more clutter at home.
We’ve also become more upfront about travel costs. We don’t go into debt to fly across the country during peak season.
Instead, we plan visits at less expensive times of year or do virtual get-togethers.
Final Thoughts: It’s About What Matters Most
Every family’s financial situation is different. For us, choosing a more modest holiday season didn’t happen because we wanted to be different.
It happened because the alternative was stressing ourselves out for months.
We remind ourselves often: It’s not our job to match what everyone else is doing. It’s our job to take care of our family’s well-being, financially, emotionally, and otherwise.
And when January comes around and we haven’t gone into debt? That feels better than any inflatable snowman ever could.