For years, I felt like I was always catching up.
It started in my early twenties. While some of my friends were buying their first homes or driving new cars, I was juggling two side gigs just to stay afloat.
I couldn’t figure out how everyone else seemed to be making it work. I didn’t grow up wealthy, but I worked hard. Still, the math never seemed to work out in my favor.
The Constant Pressure to Keep Up
Social media didn’t help. Scrolling through endless posts about vacations, promotions, and brunches in trendy spots made me feel like I had fallen off some invisible life schedule.
I convinced myself that I had missed the window where success was possible.
I wasn’t alone in feeling this way. According to CNBC, nearly half of Americans agreed with the statement that they live paycheck to paycheck.
It turns out I wasn’t actually behind, I was just living in a system stacked against the average person.
But I didn’t see that yet.
The Words That Changed Everything
One night, after yet another panic session over my bank account, I found myself watching a video by Ramit Sethi, the author of I Will Teach You to Be Rich.
He said that there is no one right way to handle your money. The right way is the one that works for you.
It hit me hard. I’d spent years trying to follow advice that didn’t fit my life, cutting out every small indulgence, obsessing over spreadsheets, and still getting nowhere.
Those words helped me stop comparing my financial path to everyone else’s.
Redefining Success
I started asking better questions: What did I actually want from my money? What mattered to me? That’s when things started shifting.
Instead of trying to hit milestones someone else made up, I set my own. I decided that success didn’t have to mean owning a house.
Maybe for me, it meant stability, no more credit card debt, and the freedom to take a weekend trip without guilt.
In her 2023 TED Talk, behavioral scientist Wendy De La Rosa said, “Willpower won’t help you save money. Changing your environment can.” That became my focus: building a financial system that worked with how I lived, not against it.
Small Wins, Big Shifts
I started by automating my savings, even if it was just $25 a week. I paid off one credit card. I kept a note on my phone listing every financial win, no matter how small.
It wasn’t instant, but over time, it added up. More importantly, I stopped shaming myself for not being further along. That shame had been costing me more than interest ever did.
I also stopped taking in every bit of financial advice. Some of it wasn’t for me. I didn’t need to budget down to the last cent. I needed breathing room.
Learning From Others, But Not Copying Them
Listening to others who had been through financial hardships made me feel less alone. I began to understand that the problem wasn’t just me making bad choices.
Many people were struggling for the same reasons I was: low wages, high rent, student loans, and a lack of clear guidance growing up.
It became clear that most of us were never taught how the financial system works or how to make it work for us.
Once I accepted that my financial situation wasn’t a personal failure, but the result of bigger structural issues, I was able to step back and reevaluate my path. I realized I didn’t have to chase the same outcomes as everyone else.
My goals could be different. My progress could be slower. And that didn’t mean I was behind, it meant I was doing things on my own terms.
A New Definition of Wealth
Today, my definition of wealth is simple: it’s the ability to make choices without constant stress. It’s being able to help my family when they need it.
It’s not waking up in a cold sweat because rent is due.
I still have goals. I want to invest more. I want to travel. But I’m not measuring my worth by someone else’s highlight reel anymore.
If you feel like you’re behind, remember this: you’re not. You’re just moving at your own pace.
And sometimes, the most powerful change starts with a few unexpected words at exactly the right time.
What I Wish I’d Heard Sooner
Not everyone gets the same starting line. Not everyone has the same obligations. But if you stop trying to catch up and instead define your own version of forward, the game changes.
It did for me. And it can for you too.